diana salier's chapbook WIKIPEDIA SAYS IT WILL PASS is now available from Deadly Chaps Press. you can read the ebook here and buy a hard copy here and hear me read an excerpt in brostache here:

i didn’t cry at the end of titanic - diana salier ((brostache version)) from Adam Moorad on Vimeo.

i started posting rumors a couple months ago. i kept @ it until i hit 100. 100 rumors seemed like a good place to stop. some are true. some i made up. some i heard through the grapevine y'all. i have assembled all of them together today/forever for you/your pleasure/despair:

_ _

1. marilyn manson auditioned for the karate kid

2. bill gates bought out the hobby lobby

3. john travolta never proved anybody wrong

4. eric clapton dated nancy kerrigan

5. ryan gosling wears prosthetic testicles

6. murphy brown bruised madonna in a catfight

7. wolf blitzer knows how to handstand

8. linsey lohan has a fred flinstone fetish

9. alicia keys scored a 1600 on her SATs

10. johnny depp runs a kangroo farm

11. gene hackman is a born-again christian

12. tom brokaw is three-quarters choctaw

13. dolly parton maintains a cactus garden

14. carson dailey is addicted to glue sniffing

15. al bundy and ted bundy are distant relatives

16. joaquin phoenix has never been to arizona

17. sean penn suffers with arthritis & bone spurs

18. dakota fanning is a habitual bedwetter

19. gwen stefani delivered little caesars pizzas

20. owen wilson conquered juvenile diabetes

21. tom brady's twin sister is morbidly obese

22. cameron diaz had a baby with bo jackson

23. tom cruises’ wedding was b.y.o.b.

24. harrison ford wears a retainer at night

25. celine dion is an accomplished sou chef

26. frank sinatra spread bedbugs in hoboken

27. aaron neville had his stomach stapled

28. justin bieber gave the clap to miley cyrus

29. wade boggs is a devout latter day saint

30. zach morris struggles with halitosis

31. paul mccartney has mature cataracts

32. bono wears blood diamonds

33. mark wahlberg has lupus

34. stevie wonder can dunk a basketball

35. heath ledger was allergic to wheat

36. luke perry hates sweating

37. george michael has stretch-marks

38. bruce hornsby shot tupac

39. paula cole caught rabies from a beaver

40. shirley temple [censored]

41. jack black is a certified wet-nurse

42. kathy griffin polyurethanes her checkles

43. ryan phillippe claims he's a kennedy

44. the rock has gout & alopecia

45. val kilmer is an icelandic citizen

46. tony hawke played drums in hoobastank

48. snookie is barren

49. the baldwin brothers [censored]

50. bonnie raitt dated michael eisner

51. jason bateman shops at jcpenny

52. sarah michelle gellar is a blackbelt

53. steve urkel contracted lyme disease

54. john denver married a sherpa queen

55. dustin hoffman is related to thomas edison

56. ben affleck has west nile

57. the kardashians can't swim

58. jenny mccarthy lost her sex drive

59. ke$ha waterboarded her mother's tabby

60. hugh jackman has dyslexia

61. vince vaughn can pirouette 720 degrees

62. john stamos tried out for the vikings

63. bruce willis gargles viles of strychnine

64. shaquille o'neal is afraid of heights

65. clint eastwood collects asian antiques

66. tara reid screws minor league pitchers

67. juels verne had a rapture phobia

68. ellen degeneres was hooked on dope

69. chelsea clinton has a club foot

70. jay cutler plays the two-bit fiddle

71. megan fox had a stillborn baby in cancun

72. nick cage's real name is nolan dolan

73. steven spielburg lives in a cabin on a lake

74. haley joel osment turned thirty-seven

75. oprah reduced her heart attack risk by 30%

76. tyrese was conceived in a kmart dressing room

77. chelsea handler ribbits in her sleep

78. blake lively contracted poison ivy

79. halle berry has a venezuelan chauffeur

80. orlando bloom is allergic to tree pollen

81. gwyneth paltrow likes scratchy pajamas

82. angelina jolie farted in africa

83. ryan renyolds survived polio

84. rob lowe wears a sharktooth necklace

85. leann rimes is tone-deaf

86. shoeless joe jackson trained in reeboks

87. bing crosby owned a tattoo parlor

88. bill cosby is obsessed with croquet

89. susan sarandon loves the feel of sandpaper

90. patrick dempsey never says 'thank you'

91. macaulay culkin is a lesbian

92. anne hathaway had a blood transfusion

93. don cheadle eats grubs and boll weevils

94. jon voight butt-dialed spike lee

95. seal hunts bison with a spear

96. kristy alley hates kelly kowpiski

97. fergie armwrestles like a hogan

98. kate hudson maced her husband

99. mila kunis is a rare venereal disease

100. flea hotboxed a police checkpoint

'self portrait cursing'

wiredness

Co SPRING / SUMMER 2012 directed by Thomas Bangalter from Co Collections on Vimeo.

the dude who was a surfer

was a tragic galvanizing douche

he surfed on every continent

he didn't believe in karma

one day he caught a 10-foot peeler

& his board washed over the reef

they found his body a week later

face down in a pile of fish eggs

they said he had shat his wetsuit

& his mother filed a lawsuit

she was a sassy puerto rican

who wore too much lipstick

new story @ smalldoggies today. big thanks to matty byloos. past contributors include Lauren Becker Riley Michael Parker xTx Kevin Sampsell & Ben Tanzer.read it HERE. lay in the bedlam. life is a good life.

you

i would like to ask you out

we’ll go on a hot date downtown

& eat at a popular restaurant

& it’ll be crowded & loud

& we won't be able hear one another speak

our waiter's name will sound like “humphrey”

& you will not enjoy the date at all

you will text someone else throughout

& we'll walk home through a park

& we'll pass a retarded person

& we'll go back to mine for a drink

& you'll watch me scratch

& we will watch cheers on dvd

all 11 seasons

all 270 episodes

you'll think the date was a disaster

& you won't return any of my calls

& later i will hear from someone

who heard from someone else

that you moved to kansas city

s

5150

the september issue of bluestem is live & it's loaded & the cast includes Ann Wahlman Sam Katz Christine Fadden Meghan Lamb Leesa Cross-Smith V Jo Hsu David Frederick Thomas Jen Knox Daniel Davis Jim Meirose Jessica Hollander Faith Gardner Cynthia Atkins Karen Pickell Peter LaBerge Susan Johnson Claudia Serea Amorak Huey Brett Elizabeth Jenkins Jim Davis Rose Hunter Mather Schneider Priyanka Joseph Carolyn Zaikowski Gary Percesepe Gary Presley William Henderson Tyler Lacoma and Krista Franklin. i make an appearance. the story is from another collection of whatever. thank you roxane gay airing out my head. again.

[sic]

(credit: byron hotmilk stithem, esq.)