91. macaulay culkin is a lesbian

92. anne hathaway had a blood transfusion

93. don cheadle eats grubs and boll weevils

i drew a grizzly bear and got it drunk.

i've been reading ryan bradley's prize winners. it's a collection of short stories which are honestly/twistedly good. the subject matter includes: pubic hair, pornography, dildos, voyeurism, pubic hair, masturbation, tom selleck, breast feeding, pubic hair, et al. i read half of the collection sitting on a park bench between two homeless people. it did not disappoint.

14 celebrity rumors:

77. chelsea handler ribbits in her sleep

78. blake lively contracted poison ivy

79. halle berry has a venezuelan chauffeur

80. orlando bloom is allergic to tree pollen

81. gwyneth paltrow likes scratchy pajamas

82. angelina jolie farted in africa

83. ryan renyolds survived polio

84. rob lowe wears a sharktooth necklace

85. leann rimes is tone-deaf

86. shoeless joe jackson trained in reeboks

87. bing crosby owned a tattoo parlor

88. bill cosby is obsessed with croquet

89. susan sarandon loves the feel of sandpaper

90. patrick dempsey never says 'thank you'

yes poetry.

pure love

here's one that bounced around for a while.

three poems (two untitled):

"tango"

i love you

i hate you

i love you

i hate you

i love you

get away from me

(untitled)

i spoon breakfast

with a giant spike

my eardrums drum

rop dop plop bop

one million spores

wan yogurt smaze

oozing like ooooze

across my forehead

a zenith babbling

this just won't do

(untitled)

ricki lake went dancing with the stars

but she repulsed the american public

with her dowdy hair and flabby arms